Fear of ridicule/shame.

What is it that stops us from expressing ourselves fully?  From living in our full creative individual power?
I realise that for me I have a huge fear of ridicule.  What will people think of me if their opinions are different from mine?  
I'm not a very scientific person.  I'm not into arguing my way logically about feeling some of the things I feel.  Sometimes I feel that I just "know" something to be true to me but if a more "scientific-minded" person were to pick it apart, I wouldn't be able to back it up apart from declaring that it "feels" true/resonates with me.
Why am I so bothered about what others think about me and my thoughts and opinions, and the way I look/dress anyway?  I know I'm not alone in this.  There are a lot of people that I don't agree with things they do or say but I don't feel like I need to ridicule or ostracize them.  I might decide to not spend a lot of my personal time with them but I appreciate everyone has a right to their own opinion.
The people who's opinions that matter to me most, are very supportive and know enough of my viewpoints, to not have an issue with me and still choose to be my close friends.
I have also chosen to live in Brighton, in the South of England, which is a very "alternative" city and where a huge diversity of people live and certainly in the clothing front - anything goes!  I love that.  So why do I still have a fear about what others think?
I remember from a very young age, my fear of being told off was so great, that I pretty much never did anything to be scolded about.  And in my parent's defence, they were very reasonable with their boundaries in any case. 
This felt like a feeling I was born with.  
I have had recurring, very similar, nightmares for many years, and a couple of years ago, had a very insightful nightmare about me having been a witch in a previous life, and being tortured and burned at the stake.  Looking at wikipedia, it is estimated that the witch trials lasted for 3 centuries, and approximately up to 100,000 witches were killed (plus many more tortured).  Eckhart Tolle things it is in the millions! This would certainly instill a huge fear of being found out.  If this were your experience, I can imagine that you would go "underground" with your opinions/skills.  
As a female acupuncturist, and nutritionist who uses herbs, and homeopathy, and attends women in childbirth, I would have definitely been considered a "witch".
Why do we feel like we need to be the same?
You only have to look at the fashion industry to see that many people want to be told how to dress and to look the same as others.  Not to stick out.  Not to dress individually.  We seem to have a fear in people looking differently from us and holding different opinions.  This is possibly the stem cause of racism.
I personally feel that I don't want to "stick out".  I have strong "alternative" to mainstream beliefs. But I dress very safely, I don't look like the alternative-type that I am.
You only have to open one of the "Womens" magazines to see how women ridicule other women, for the way they look, being criticised for being overweight/wearing the wrong dress, looking differently.  This type of modern-day ostracising perpetuates our fear.
When we ask someone our opinion, they frequently try and convince us that their way/opinion is the right one and we should follow/do that.  When we don't, and instead, we choose to do/say something differently, it is challenging to others.  I notice this happening through every day life on a very frequent basis.  From simple to more intimate opinions/situations.
We have two very large (1800 pupils) secondary schools near us (age 11-16).  I am always amazed at how similar a huge amount of the kids look.  They girls wear their school skirts in the same way (pulled up as short as possible), their hair straightened or wavy (depending on the fashion)/blonde or dip-dyed(depending on the fashion)/put up in the same way.  The boys wear their trousers hanging down over their underwear, or their t-shirt sleeves folded over, or trouser legs rolled up once, and the Converse!  The need to conform seems to be at its peak as teenagers.  But at what age do we then claim back our individuality?  Our creativity?  Our individual power?  our compassion for others viewpoints?  Our compassion for our own viewpoints?  
I know so many amazing women that are hiding their talents/their creativity/their individual passions for fear - fear of conforming, fear of failure, fear of shame, fear of being wrong!!  I feel like I am being internally pushed to reclaim my power and doing this blog feels like it is part of this.  My inspiration often comes in the night, when its quiet or dark, or immediately after meditating.
#feelthefearanddoitanyway

Things happen for a reason?

Since as far back as I can remember (possibly 3o+ years), I have believed that everything happens for a reason.  There are no coincidences in the universe.  There are synchronicities, but not coincidences.  The ripple effect of everything that happens in your life is huge.  Whether you smile at the lady in the local shop, or you have a cross word with her, that can then affect the next person you meet, and the next person she meets; which can ultimately affect the day that you both have.

In my adult life of over 25 years, I have always had this belief and it has yet to be proved wrong to me.  Maybe I'm just lucky that I haven't had any really tragic circumstances to contend with that have really tested my faith in this belief.   I often reflect on the film "Sliding Doors" with Gwyneth Paltrow.  I try to make the ripple effect from myself on my friends/family/clients and work colleagues as loving and positive as possible.
Comments welcome  :)

It's all about divine timing!

I've been working with the law of attraction for many years and have been asking for something that is quite a long way financially from where I am now.  I have been studying many different authors and sources, which seem to concur, that if you ask clearly for what you want; you then believe that you can have it; you will then receive it.
It occurred to me again today, that I feel like I have a lot of faith, however, it is all in the timing! There is a divine timing to all things occurring.  If what we wish for and desire were manifest instantly in our lives, we would have no trouble with believing the law of attraction/creation. However, when things take longer than we want, we struggle with our faith.  We then start believing others (and our inner voice) when they tell us, it cant happen, why do we deserve that, its too expensive, etc
We then start affirming that it is impossible or too far fetched for this to enter our lives, this then starts negating all the work you have been doing in asking for it to come into your life.
Recently, something similar to what I have been asking for, came into my life, and I felt really disappointed that it wasn't near enough to what I had been asking for.  It was far from my dream scenario!  However, an inspiring friend in my life reminded me, that maybe it was just a step closer towards what I have been asking for, rather than the thing itself.   Alternatively, it could also be, that there was a letting go process or a reaffirming process that I needed to go through to get clearer about where I am prepared to compromise.  Watch this space!.....................

Helen Keller said "Be happy with what you have, while working for what you want"

We are so conditioned by our past experiences that it is can feel really difficult to change and appreciate that the power is in the present moment.

If you were guaranteed to succeed, what would you be doing?

Someone asked me recently, if you were guaranteed to succeed with anything you wanted to do, what would you be doing?
Well the answer to that only took me a few minutes to come up with, it was very close to the surface.  Is it what I'm now doing?  Not entirely.
Why aren't I doing it then, if its something I really would like to be doing?  Fear of failure?  Fear of ridicule?  Knowing that there's lots of other people around already doing it.  They'be been doing it for longer.  They're possibly more qualified, more experienced.  Why would people want to come to me?  I haven't even written a book yet!
I generally feel that I'm a fairly confident person in most areas of my life but I was surprised at my lack of confidence and vulnerability at the thought of putting myself out there in the public arena, offering new services to the public.  I've even read the book, "Feel the fear and do it anyway"
I'm sure that this is a very human condition, and that I'm not alone.  I think that fear of failure and ridicule is very commonplace.  I then remind myself that a lot of the well known inspirational people out there, 2 of whom immediately spring to mind - JKRowling and Henry Ford, (I dont know why I picked those 2!).  JK Rowling had numerous rejections before her book was published and Henry Ford had many setbacks - the rest is history as they say.
It feels easier to carry on doing what I'm currently doing (and that is fine as I do still really enjoy my work and plan to continue in any case).  But there is a passion inside me that wants to branch out.  So even though I feel vulnerable, I also feel like I have to follow that as I start feeling miserable every time I try to ignore this part of me.  It feels like this is part of my life purpose.  Maybe I just like challenging myself and don't just want an easy life!

Tips that have helped me create change

We create change by initially changing our thoughts.
The thoughts we are thinking regularly and with strong emotion become our reality, the stuff of our lives.
Observe your thoughts today.  What are you creating?
If you want to have change in your life, you need to start making some daily changes, however small.  "If you do what you have always done, you will get what you've always gotten" Anthony Robbins.
What changes could you make today?
Maybe you could sit in silence for 3 minutes, a couple of times today.  Or you could start writing down or visualising what changes you would like to see in your life.
Or you could choose an affirmation to work with.
Or you could decide to smile at everyone you meet today, or give them a complement.
Or you could say thank you the moment you open your eyes.  And thank you for your hot shower.  And thank you for your nourishing breakfast etc
Gratitude is a very powerful technique for creating change.
Start with something, and add to it each day.

How do we create change in our lives?

Change is all that is happening, every moment of every day.
I love this ancient chinese proverb "The only certain thing in life is change"
According to quantum physics, matter (human beings, computers, rocks, trees, water) is formed of atoms, which consists of subatomic particles constantly moving.  It has been recognised that we affect these particles with our attention and our intention.  We are surrounded by an energy field that responds to our thoughts/intention/attention/beliefs/  So we are literally creating our lives with our thoughts.  Atoms that are resonating at the same frequency attract each other.  Our thoughts have a magnetic field effect.
To start the process of creating change, you need to initially get really clear about what you want, where you want to be heading, what your vision is.  If you don't give the universal energy field a clear picture about what you wish to draw into your life, it will respond to your most dominant thoughts.
Thoughts are creative.  Every item or object was once just a thought or idea in someone's mind.
I personally have moments where I am completely going with the flow of what is happening in my life and other times where I have huge amounts of resistance and frustration.  
Then there is the issue with belief!  Surely I can't ask for something that seems so far from where I am right now?
When you are asking for something you want to create in your life, your negative beliefs about not receiving can be so strong )for whatever reason) that a huge amount of negativity can come up, which needs to be processed/released to effect change and movement in thoughts.
Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now) talks about how the ego doesn't want change and we create resistance.  He says, when faced with a situation you don't want, you either take steps to change it, or you accept it, everything else is futile, a waste of energy and taking away your power from the present moment; the power that comes with knowing that thoughts are creative.
Your thoughts of today are creating your tomorrows.

How do I achieve inner peace when my mind is full of ideas?

Why dont I feel contented all the time?  I do sometimes have moments of feeling complete calm.  Feeling really centred.  Feeling at peace in myself.  And my meditation practice is then a pleasure.
Then other times, I feel so driven, so invigorated and motivated.  Restless, buzzing with ideas and thoughts.  Feeling like I want to be doing more with my life.  Being of more value and service to the planet.  Making a name for myself.
Is this all ego?  Or is my souls higher purpose calling me to claim my place on this earth?  Possibly a bit of both?
I do know that spending time in nature (especially woodland) frequently and regularly has an amazingly calming effect on me.

Why doesn't the law of attraction work? It does......

Why doesn't the law of attraction work?  It does, all the time.  

Why doesn't it seem to work for you?  Belief/faith/  

We are told the law of attraction works by Asking; Believing; Receiving.

So if you are lucky enough to get really clear about what you are asking for, (before the voice in your head comes in and tells you that's impossible etc) the reason why it doesn't appear to come about is frequently because your beliefs about why you cant have it/create it in your life (ie I'm not rich enough; I'm not lucky enough; I'm not worthy/deserving enough; I didn't work hard enough at school; I live in the wrong part of the planet; I was born to the wrong family) come in stronger than your belief that you can have/create/manifest your desires.

I sometimes find working with affirmations helps.  I like using:

I choose to believe ...................

This implies that I can choose to change what I believe in, and question my past conditioning and look at my current circumstances with a different perspective. It reminds me that the thoughts I am choosing to think today (that are currently creating my tomorrows) are my choice.  Therefore I have the power to choose to change my beliefs. 

"Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change"

The law of Attraction

I have been studying the law of attraction for many years. 
I find reading about it fascinating and invigorating.  The potential for change within this work is huge.  The law of attraction basically states that where we put our thoughts, attention and intention is what manifests into our lives.  Thoughts plus the beliefs we have behind them are creative.
Imagine if the majority of people on the planet focussed on being loving and forgiving, kind and compassionate.  Imagine if the news that was presented to us was of amazing projects that are happening on the planet, incredible circumstances that have happened in peoples lives and how incredibly lucky the majority of us are to have enough food to eat, shelter to keep us warm etc.  This would be very uplifting for our hearts and spirits.  Instead of focussing on primarily negative, sensationalist news stories that we currently have.

What is the process by which we manifest things and circumstances into our lives?  Quantum physics has shown us that thoughts projected into the universal energy field create things/form.  The thoughts you think about regularly and passionately show up in your life, however consciously or unconsciously you are thinking about them.
To manifest consciously, you must get really clear about what you want to attract into your life, you then need to follow this up with total faith and conviction.
Eventually this thoughts will manifest as a physical reality in your world.  It may not manifest in the way or form or in the time you expect and want, but it will manifest.

What is the meaning of life? Does anyone know?

What is the meaning of life?  What am I doing with my life?  And why am I doing it?
I don't know the answer.  Does anyone?  Sometimes I feel like I know what I'm doing and why I'm here and what we are all here for.  I read lots of books - spiritual books - that pertain to having the answer.  They often seem very convincing.
Sometimes I have very strong beliefs and opinions about things but I have always maintained that it is my prerogative to be able to change my beliefs and opinions at any time without any prior notice to anyone.
I have always been a philosopher.  As a child I remember being very reflective on the meaning of life, but in a very melancholic way.  I remember thinking I should never bring children into this world, onto this planet, as it is in a very bad state.  But three children later, I exercised my right to change my mind!
In the Western world, we are encouraged to believe that if we have enough money we will be happy.  If we have a big enough house, a flashy enough car, enough time saving and exciting gadgets and a large enough pension then we will be happy.
I live in a middle income family, in a middle income area in a thriving city in the South of England, UK.  I have ticked all the boxes I set out to achieve - I have a loving supportive husband, I have 3 amazing children that inspire me, I have a beautiful house, a job I love and that pays me well, 3 pets, a comfortable reliable car, lots of extended family, including both my parents that I am close to and feel loved and supported by.............So why am I still asking - what am I doing with my life?  why am I here?  whats the meaning of it all?  what am I here to do?  Why is there a level of dis-satisfaction?
I'm not sharing all these things to show off or feel smug but to make a point that we are led to believe that if we have all these things then we have our happily ever after. We spend so much of our lives chasing these things and aiming for an end point we miss so much of the moments of enjoyment along the way. And we then don't know how to feel happy when we get there. 
In the last couple of years, I have started studying buddhism more intently - one of the main theories is that we have "dukkha", frequently translated as "suffering", more easy to understand (in my opinion) as dis-satisfactoriness.  Is this how it is for all humans?

WELCOME

Welcome to my blog.  I am writing this blog to share my reflections from my life.  I have been an acupuncturist for 20 years (and still am) and a philosopher for 40 years.  I have always been interested in people and curious about what makes people tick.  The main part of my work as an acupuncturist that I have enjoyed the most, is listening to peoples talk about their lives, and difficulties and accomplishments; and encouraging and supporting them where I can.  I also think that Traditional Oriental Medicine has an incredibly philosophical and holistic approach to life - body mind and spirit.
I have often asked myself - what's the meaning of life - not in a depressed way but what are we all doing here?  I can have moments of being melancholic but I can also be a dreamer.  I particularly like this sentiment by Vincent van Gogh - "For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream".
I'm really interested in sharing my thoughts and in starting a dialogue with others reflections around this subject.  I am very grateful that I seem to have managed to create a fairly amazing life for myself (most of the time) but also there is an element of Is that it?  What next?  What is it all about?

Thanks for reading, you're welcome to comment.