My life/living situation doesn't vary a great deal from day to day. My job is the same, I have the same partner, the same children, the same chores around the house, similar things to do most days and most weeks, a similar financial situation most days and most weeks.
So why does my emotional life sometimes vary so much from hour to hour/day to day/week to week?
Why do I sometimes feel great, alive, passionate and motivated? And why do I sometimes feel sad, angry, irritable, frustrated, anxious? When my external circumstances haven't especially changed?
I find that the way I'm feeling can potentially totally change my experience and perceptions and the way I react in my day. I am working on being more present, less reactive, less defensive and more observant of the emotions that pass across my life rather than identifying with them.
When I notice these challenging emotions and negativity, and I have the luxury of time and space, I will work to release this with active meditation and visualisation; or walking in woodland/along the beach.
However, I also observe that sometimes I seem to want to hang on to the negativity.
To have inner peace, we need to let go of our desire to hold on to our pain.
Eckhart Tolle talks about our "pain bodies". He says "All problems are illustions of the mind. Focus your attention on the now and tell me what problem you have at this moment. I am not getting any answer because it is impossible to have a problem when you attention is fully in the Now. A situation needs to be either dealt with or accepted. Why make it into a problem?"
We are part of a living universe, an alive universe. We are not separate. Many human beings see themselves as separate from nature.
If you sit within nature, you can feel it, buzzing alive, all around you. Including yourself, you are a part of this alive universe.
The 4 elements.
The Air, life-giving, precious air. We need it to breathe. It creates movement in our body - our ribs, our belly, our chest as we inhale and exhale. How good does a "breath of fresh air" feel?
The wind that blows in the trees. Sit and listen to the leaves. The air currents that enable so many creatures to fly.
Feel the air against your skin, the wind in your hair, the breath in your body.
The beauty it provides us with - the movement of trees, the waves it creates, the forms made by wind erosion.
The Earth, life-giving, precious earth.
It provides us with our total nourishment, the food we need regularly to survive.
The earth that provides the raw material for our structures - our buildings, roads, furniture, metals.
The earth that provides us with such beauty - flowers, trees, gems.
The earth that grounds us, supports us, holds us. Walk barefoot upon the earth and feel the pulse of the planet.
The Water, life-giving water. It quenches our thirsts. Our body is made of 80% water. It sustains our internal organs, body tissues, our arteries and veins.
Water that falls upon the earth and grows our food, our trees, our forests. The water in our taps that cleanses us, that we cook with.
Water that cools us down when overheated.
Our rainfall, oceans and rivers that cleanse our planet. The majority of our planet is covered in water - the blue planet.
The beauty that water provides us with - the waterfalls, oceans, rivers and valleys.
Swim in the ocean, river or lake or walk in a puddle, or lie in the bath. Feel its nourishment and cleansing.
The Fire, life-giving, precious fire.
The heat that keeps us alive. The sun that warms our planet, that warms the earth to grow our food. The heat from our cooker that cooks our food to sustain us.
The heat in our vulnerable human bodies, that can only vary by a few degrees centigrade.
The warmth in our hearts that enable us to feel compassion with others.
The joy of lying in the sunshine and warming us through to the bone after a long cold winter.
The beauty of a bonfire, a hearth fire, a volcano. The beauty of a sunset.
We are not separate from nature. We are nature.
I originally started writing this blog because over the last couple of years there has been a lot of change in my life but not necessarily in the way that I wanted/anticipated. I mentioned to a couple of close friends that I don't seem to know what I'm doing with my life anymore and they thought that quite a lot of people are in this position, therefore the blog!
The last couple of years have been somewhat of an inner spiritual journey and I've been having to let go of a lot of perceived control over my external circumstances.
This has felt very challenging.
Over the last couple of years I've been experiencing the feeling of wanting change in my life and I've had moments where I've felt really divinely inspired about what I want this change to be. Mainly, changes in my living location and expansion and change with my career.
However, right now my life feels that it's fairly topsy turvey, and not flowing in the way that makes me feel in control of it! in the past when I've had clear ideas of change that I want, for example, moving from one town to another - it has happened really quickly. I had the idea; mentioned it to my husband; he was open to this level of change; we found a house to move to fairly easily; the transition went smoothly.
My previous experiences when I've had divinely inspired ideas or real lightbulb moments of what I need to do seem to have transitioned really easily.
Right now, it doesnt feel like things are flowing as easily or readily or in the way or time-span that I would like.
It feels like I am being asked to learn some lessons.
I'm having to learn to quieten my logical/rational/over-thinking mind and allow my intuition to develop; and to learn to live more in the present moment.
And to listen to my inner knowing/my higher self? My knowing that I will be provided for and that everything is exactly as its meant to be for me right now.
This is very challenging for me as I'm naturally a very big planner. I like planning things and knowing what's happening in my life. I've always worked from the viewpoint that if you work out what you want; get focussed; and think about what you can do to make it happen; then you work really hard and then it happens/works for you. This is what is being brought into question for me, because this isn't working for me at the moment. I'm having to rethink/refeel how things work in my life.
So I'm having to learn patience and surrender.
Earlier this week I had a strong logical idea and I could feel myself slipping back into my old pattern of over-thinking and trying to make it happen. The next day I woke up not feeling great! I notice that not feeling 100% physically makes me very present, more in my body and less active mentally. My physical body seems to force me to become more present by making me feel physically unwell and making my head feel foggy.
I'm having to let go of the need to feel in control of my life. And even though I'm having these inspired ideas, I'm having to do whats in front of me that day and that week.
I'm having to expand and deepen my trust in the support of the universe. I'm also having to release my negativity, my frustrations/anger/sadness which comes up about the fact that I'm not in control; things arent happening in the way that I want them to happen or in the time span I want them to happen in.
My whole energetic body is being asked to work in a different way.
Is it that these are energetically turbulent times? The planet is certainly at a crisis point. So maybe we're being asked and encouraged to look at life in a different way and to awaken?
Surely it cant just be me? Is this a planetary shift? There must be many more humans that are being asked to question and awaken and work from a different perspective?
I have been studying the Law of Attraction (LOA) for many years as those of you who have been reading my blog will already know. I love studying this work. I feel it resonates at a deep level with me.
The main premise behind LOA is that when you ask for something, clearly, with intention and focus your attention upon it; you then follow this with the faith and the belief that it will come to you; and then (with some time lapse) you receive it. Ask. Believe. Receive.
In principle, this sounds great. But in practice it can be very difficult.
Initially becoming clear about what you want to manifest/create in your life can be challenging enough. We often don't even allow ourselves to think about what our big dreams might be because we are so conditioned to think that they are impossible or they only come about in particular ways - ie from hard work and earning enough money; or to those of us who are lucky enough to have wealthy family members etc
Then the belief can really trip us up. Imagine that you put out to the universe that you wanted a new house, a really large house in a desirable area (and you couldn't possibly afford it currently). Theoretically, according to the LOA you could have it. However, our belief would probably be so challenged by this, that after we have put that thought out into the universe, we automatically follow this up with, but how could that possibly happen? Its ridiculous, I'm deluded, I'm living in a dream world. What would my friends say? etc
Two other sticking points are timing. If we asked for something and before the end of the week was up, we had it, we would really start to believe LOA. However, this frequently doesn't happen. There is divine timing - ie the timing that is the most appropriate for us, even if we don't know it. So this brings into question us keeping our faith for a longer time period. The other big sticking point is the way in which things are delivered. We have to trust that things can come to us from expected and unexpected ways. We need to be open to all possibilities about how something may manifest in our lives.
From studying many different books; different authors and different historical figures' writing and speaking about the LOA, the repeated message is "Anything is possible - You can have anything you can imagine and conceive, as long as you keep the faith." Wow! Fantastic! I'll have some of that.....
The more spiritual books on the LOA that I have read have also emphasised the fact that once you get really clear about what you are asking for, you then "Let go and let God" ie you hand the problem over to the universe, you don't keep trying to intellectually work out how to manifest this thing you want. You trust and you believe and you keep trusting and believing.
There are also plenty of encouraging quotes flying around facebook saying "Don't give up on your dreams" and "When you are about to give up is when the miracle appears"
So here is my big question - if this is the case, what about when it doesn't happen?
For many years, I have been working as an acupuncturist specialising in treating couples with fertility issues. And I have never been able to answer the question that comes up for me in regards to them. What about when it doesn't happen? It seems a perfectly reasonable thing to ask the universe for - to be able to conceive your own biological baby, especially if you are a couple, of a reasonably fertile age, of good health, having an active sex life - why are you not able to conceive? How can that be fair?
So my question is - when do you "let go and let God" and when do you call it a day, and let go and move on with your life. Because ultimately there comes a point, (accompanied by much grief probably) where you do have to let go and move on. How? When?
About 5 years ago, I got an overwhelming feeling that I wanted to move out of town and to the countryside. On and off over the 5 years, we have looked at properties and explored different options, mainly because our finances haven't been such to support a move to a suitable property. I have visualised, I have imagined, I have affirmed, I have asked and believed, I have "let go and let God". However, I haven't moved. Admittedly, this hasn't been consistent for 5 years at all. But I always trusted that if this was meant to be, it would happen. I gave myself until this May (for various reasons) and then told myself that I would then let go of this idea altogether and accept. But this is proving difficult.
I would really welcome comments from others about how they have managed to move on from circumstances in their lives where things haven't gone to plan.
Meanwhile, I have asked to the universe to show me the next step I need to take.................
