Life is not perfect - it's not meant to be......

Someone said to me last week - I envy you.
Why envy me or anyone.....?  We are all creative individuals.  We can all create a life that we want.  A lot of people don't even ask themselves the question - what do I want?  What do you really want?  For the majority of people, the answer is often "money".  They think that money will make them happy.
There is obviously a certain amount of money that is necessary to live comfortably in the country you live in.  Human beings need food, shelter, clothing, clean water, sanitation facilities.  These are basic human rights.  However, the earth does provide enough for everyone to live - it is just the huge inequality of wealth and distribution that is the issue.  
It's also very stressful to live from day to day or week to week not knowing if you can pay your next heating bill or buy food etc.
However, the majority of people in the UK don't live like that.  We have a huge band of middle income and high income people for whom this isn't an issue.
However, there is still often this chasing for more money and material objects, thinking that this will make us happier.  A bigger house, a newer car, no mortgage, a boat, more shoes/handbags.
I watched a program last night about the super rich and what they buy/want for christmas etc. The main thing I observed was the level of competition - the largest house, the most expensive christmas crackers, the hand-made baubles for the christmas tree.  It is all still coming from a place of the more and the bigger, the better it will make them feel, more important.  However, I know that these people are all still human beings and whatever the wealth level is, we all want the same things - peace of mind, a sense of security, contentment, happiness, feeling good about ourselves, feeling worthy, a sense of life purpose. None of these feelings come through material objects.
Whilst watching, I really got this sense that some people really think they are more important than other human beings.  And having money is one of the success indicators.
Wouldn't it be amazing if those with huge financial wealth, didn't feel the need to buy more and bigger to feel important and better about themselves?  Wouldn't it be amazing if this huge financial wealth was used to help the more needy in society?
Whenever I ask myself - what do I want - the answers are peace of mind, a sense of security, contentment, happiness, feeling good about ourselves, feeling worthy, a sense of life purpose.  The simple things.  We distract ourselves with material objects, we might get a short-lived buzz with retail therapy, but actually the things we really want are often free.  However, they are a state of mind, that needs to be pursued.  We need to take responsibility for ourselves.  We need to get in touch with our creativity, passion, enthusiasm for life.  We need to heal our wounds.  We need to work with nature, and our physical bodies.  We need to prioritise our needs.
So don't envy others.  Especially my friend, don't envy me.  I have chosen a difficult road, the road less travelled.  I am trusting that I will always be creative and always find a solution to any difficulty in front of me.  I am choosing to find my sense of security not from material objects and acquiring wealth and pension plans.  I am embracing the adventure that is life, not always easy but a road that I have to travel for myself.  I appear to have no option - my greatest happiness comes from attending to my peace of mind, my sense of life purpose, my compassion to others.

What the f*** are we doing with our lives? Empower yourself!

We are brought up and conditioned to believe, in materialistic/capitalist societies, that we are striving towards an end goal.  This will include getting a good secure job, a partner, possibly having children, a house, looking towards saving for your retirement and pension.  For many of us, we can spend our whole lives trying (and often not achieving) to get these things.  Does that make us failures?
But what about when you have all these things?  Do they make us truly happy?  You have the house, the partner you love, the children, the job - you might even have a job you really enjoy.  Is that enough?  There can be a restlessness.  A sense that there is more to life than just ticking all those boxes.  A sense that you are here for a deeper purpose?
There is a big part of me that says - and now what?
I'm very content with my "lot".  I enjoy my job. I have a loving partner.  I have 3 healthy children that I'm so proud of.  I love my house.  I have loving and supportive friends and family.  I have good health.
There is always this sense that I'm here for more.  A sense of needing to expand, and keep moving forward with my life.
Every christmas it reminds me about how materialism is part of our conditioning.  We are sold the idea that the more money and objects we have, the happier we will be.  Do we get happiness from material objects?  When I write a list of what makes me happy, none of them are material objects.
They include a walk in nature, time with my friends and family, peace and quiet, listening to music, dancing etc
There is obviously a certain amount of money and things we need to give us comfort and for our needs to be met - housing, food, clothing etc
Do you live your life feeling passionate, enthusiastic, motivated?  Do you wake up every day and feel alive, like you want to jump out of bed as it's a new day and you feel inspired?
That's what I want from my life.  I want to wake up looking forward to every day.  It's not that I haven't had difficulties and challenges in my life, I have those as much as everyone else.  And I have pain from the past, nobody has a perfect childhood.  "Shit happens".
There's a big part of me that has always questioned why I'm here?  What's the meaning of life?  What's my life purpose?  I don't want to look back in my old age and have regrets about things that I haven't done, because I wasn't brave enough. 
My current life purpose appears to be my passion to help awaken others up to their life purpose.  I love this work.  It doesn't count as "work".  It's what I want to do every day.  I want to help others feel more alive, and enthusiastic and motivated and passionate about life.  I want everyone to feel empowered.  There is so much potential in the world, if we all reclaimed our power.  If we stop allowing ourselves to be duped by the idea that money and material objects will bring us happiness.

Reclaim your power.  Ask questions.  Ask yourself those questions - what do I want?  what do I want to do in the world?  what do I want to be in the world?  what do I want to create in the world?, what truly makes me happy, feel alive, feel fulfilled, want to jump out of bed in the morning? - AND GO DO IT!

Embrace the adventure of life.

Compliment your female friends! Awaken wild, wonderful women to the truth of who you are!......

For over 20 years, I have been specialising working with women, on a one to one basis and more recently in Red Tent groups.  

This week, I have been struck, yet again, about how many common issues women have.  I feel honoured that women open up and share in my company real issues that they are dealing with on a daily basis.  

Women are regularly sharing with me how they experience anxiety, feelings of not being worthy enough, of jealousy - that other women seem to have it all/able to do it all - and they feel inferior to this.

With my one to one work, women regularly apologise to me about their physical body - sorry my legs are hairy, sorry I haven't done my nail varnish, sorry I've eaten garlic - my breath might smell, sorry my hands are too hot/cold/sweaty, sorry if I smell - I've been running around all day, sorry my hair is wet - I've just had a shower.  The list goes on....

As women we have been encouraged from a very young age, by advertising campaigns (let alone other women!) and female products to not love the way we look, smell, behave.  To not value our innate qualities of being emotional, caring, compassionate, forgiving, yielding.

As I was thinking about writing this blog this morning, I opened a magazine and came across an advert:

"Give a gift she'd really love - More Confidence."

Now you might ask - how would you encourage a women to feel more confident, tell her how amazing you think she is?  tell her about all the qualities you admire in her?  how you love her clothing style?  tell her she looks lovely?

None of the above - 

"Beautiful Natural looking eyebrows, Kissable lips and more.."

Oh my god!  You have got to be joking!

This is just the ideal example for this blog - so you go to a cosmetic consultant to "receive" natural looking eyebrows???  Surely the most natural looking eyebrows you get by doing absolutely nothing to them!

Kissable lips - the implication being that they aren't currently kissable?

This is just one advert in one (fairly classy, not just for women) magazine.  As women, we get bombarded on a daily basis by advertising campaigns saying we need to spend money changing the way we look and smell.

I have noticed in the last few years that many sanitary products are not scented - again the implication that the most natural physical excretion of a woman is dirty, unclean and needs to be helped by an artificial, chemical scent!

No wonder, the majority of women that I know, have issues with feeling good enough.

What can we do?  

Well we can start by telling our women friends/family on a regular basis what you love/like/admire about them - their qualities of listening, compassion, generosity, caring, their mothering skills, their ability to handle so many situations, their ability to multi-task, their softness, their ability to listen to and attend to their needs, 

Compliment other women from a heartfelt space. Not from a begrudging or jealous or insincere place. 

We can show compassion and understanding for their emotions - their anxiety, their weepiness, their irritability, their joy, their passion.  We can share with them, that we too experience these emotions.

We can compliment other women on the way they look, what they wear (however, remember we are all given a human body with imperfections and discrepancies).  There isn't such a thing as perfection.  How someone looks is not who they are. We are all beautiful. Don't get caught up in the world view of what makes someone beautiful. A word of caution: Don't compliment other women and run yourself down at the same time.  eg "I love your hair today - mine looks awful!"

We can pledge to never gossip about other women, including celebrities.  Women who have become "successful" and famous take a huge amount of flack about the way they look, their "bikini body", their aging - are they aging well?.  We must support and admire ALL women.

Because all that we think about other women is, really and truly, all that we are thinking about ourselves.  

When we judge another woman for the way she looks, we are judging something about the way we look.  When we judge a woman for being too weepy, or irritable or too powerful or too beautiful, we are judging our ability to feel beautiful or powerful or express our emotions. When we criticise a woman for the way she handles or doesn't handle something, we are criticising ourselves.

I have observed that often women complain about pre-menstrual tension - they can't control their weepiness/irritability etc. it is often because there are these judgements going on regularly and there is a lack of acknowledging our needs, or attending to our physical bodily needs and emotional requirements.  In our pre-menstrual week, our ability to ignore these needs is reduced, so we become more prone to lose "control".  If we tune in and listen more closely to what we really need and act upon it (emotionally and physically) throughout the month, I think you will find, your premenstrual "feeling out of control" lessens significantly.

So finally, the last (and most important) thing we can do, is to tell ourselves on a regular basis (at least three times a day!) how wonderful we are.  What an amazing job we do with our lives.  We can be compassionate with ourselves.  We can listen to ourselves, our needs.  We can attend to our physical body in a caring and loving way.  We can acknowledge our emotions and allow them all to be valid - they are all transient anyway.  We can admire our ability to be loving, kind and forgiving.

Become the change you wish to see in the world in 2016! A How to Guide…….

Why do so many humans need healing?  In my daily life, I meet a lot of people and  I’m saddened to see so many unhappy looking people.  So many hurt and wounded people.  Struggling to make eye contact, to respond to a smile, a friendly greeting.  How has it got to this?  Why are so many, so unhappy?

Why does the media portray a negative universe, a world to be feared?  Why do so many people believe it?  Why don’t people question things more?  Why aren’t there more articles and news stories about the amazing, creative projects that are happening in the world?    

I love the videos on youtube/facebook about people going onto a tube for example and creating a situation that makes everyone connect – through laughter – it can be so contagious; or through a dance flash mob.  Things that bring humans together.  I think that’s why comedians are so popular these days, people need to laugh and let go so badly.

I’m saddened by how many people need to self-medicate with alcohol and recreational drugs and on a daily basis.  How many people each day look forward to the 6pm “open a bottle of wine time”/smoking a joint – as a reward, to help unwind/relax.  I’m saddened at how many people are on anti-depressants, or sleeping tablets or anti-anxiety tablets.  What is wrong with us?  Why are we, who live in a developed nation, where our physical needs or food, shelter and warmth, so unhappy?

What do we need?  Why aren’t we getting/doing it?  Why aren’t more people asking more questions?  Why do we just accept our conditioned beliefs?  Because that’s what they are – we are conditioned from the day we are born to believe certain things that our parents/teachers/society tell us.  Why aren’t we questioning these things?

Materialistic societies like to convince people that what we need is more money and more material objects.  We need newer cars, bigger houses, brand new furniture new shoes, clothes, new handbags.  Designer goods.  We are convinced through multi-million pound advertising that that will make us feel better.  We are then subdued and distracted through television/alcohol/medication/recreational drugs/newspapers/computer games and magazines.

What can we do?  How can we become happy?  What are your needs?  Are you honouring them? 

We can start to question things.  Do we really believe all that we are told?  We can start to question some of our conditioned beliefs.

When did you last sit down and ask yourself – “what makes me happy/good?”  Have you got time to do this today?  Could you prioritise time to do this today?

If you sat down and wrote a list about what makes you feel happy – then write down how many hours/days per week you spend doing these things – in comparison to how many hours/days per week you spend watching tv or commuting to work or socialising with people that you don’t have a great connection with, or drinking alcohol and then not feeling motivated to do anything.   How would these timings and activities compare?

What about making a commitment to yourself this New Year, to spend more time focussing on becoming happy?

Suggestions of things that can make you feel good (based on coaching client’s feedback):

Listening to music; walking in nature; spending quality time with a partner/friends/family – that you get on well with; being alone; having a long hot bath; reading a good book; comedy; sunshine; beautiful views/nature; dancing; singing; seeing live music/play/theatre. Creating things – painting/pottery/drawing/making jewellery.  Arts and crafts.  Playing an instrument. The sea, the mountains, the woods.  Fresh air.  Log fire.  Exercise – swimming, running, walking etc

Do any of these resonate for you?  Could you do any of these activities today or tomorrow?  Would you have to prioritise this over a non-essential activity?  Do you procrastinate?

This might be a good time of year to really question how you want to be spending your time.  None of us know how much time we have in this lifetime.  Are you doing what you want to be doing?  If yes, great – keep doing it, as often as you can.  If not, are there things you can change today to be doing more of what you love more often?

Have you ever done a vision board for yourself?  These are great to do and really good at focussing your energy on changes you want to make.  Get creative.  Get yourself a sheet of paper/card – ideally A3 in size and start writing, drawing, painting, cutting photos/word from magazines.  Start focussing on what you would like to have in your life in 2016.  Get clear about your life.  What sort of work do you want to be doing?  Who do you want to work with?  How much money do you need to earn?  Who do you want to have in your life – friends/family/partner?  What do you want to be doing with your time?  Are there any material objects you need to manifest into your life?  Are there any creative activities you wish to do in 2016?  What qualities of mind/emotions do you want in 2016? 

Question your beliefs.  Take a long hard look at your life (with compassionate eyes) and see if there are changes you can make, to make your life work better for you.  Are there any classes you can sign up for?  (There are lots of free online courses and classes you can do these days).  Are there any commitments you can make to yourself for this year?

Can you make a commitment to yourself to become a happier human being in 2016?  Happier humans, make better decisions for themselves and others, are more loving to themselves and others, have more energy, feel more alive, have a zest for life, can see the positive side to life, can see creative and positive solutions to the world’s problems.  As the Dalai Lama says : Be kind whenever possible.  It is always possible. 

My mission statement for 2016:

I am a Holistic Life Coach.  I want to help people to feel alive, loved, supported, passionate, empowered, energised, confident, creative, awake, healed, fulfil their potential, discover and live their life purpose, be powerful.  I want these people to go out and change the world.  To be the change they wish to see in the world.  To understand and work with the law of attraction/the energies of the universe and focus on the positive things they want to see in the world and their lives.

I want groups of people to feel empowered, satisfied and contented with their lives.  To know and feel that they have enough and are supported abundantly.  So they can let go of needing more than they need.  So they can work together and individually to focus on creating change in the world.  So they can be creative and find solutions so that all humans are fed, watered, have shelter and clothing.  So all humans are safe and loved and cared for.  So all humans are healed of their pain and wounds.

New for 2016 – I am now offering a 12 week online Holistic Life Coaching course:

This course will be tailored to your individual requirements.  You will receive weekly guidance, tips, techniques and activities via email, including meditation downloads for you to listen to.  You will get daily encouragement and support through my facebook group: "Follow your Dreams".  You will receive personal email support throughout the 3 month period.  There will be optional additional bolt-ons including 1-2-1 Skype Life Coaching sessions.  You will get book recommendations and other lifestyle advice recommendations tailored to your specific requirements.

Full details and how to book at:

www.elainegibbons.co.uk

Mahatma Gandhi – Be the change you wish to see in the world.

What is the point of meditation? How do you get started?

What is meditation?  It is bringing yourself into the present moment.  Just having one breath being fully present, that is meditation.  
Why do we need to bring ourselves into the present moment? - because that is where our power is, that is where our creativity is, that is where we live our lives.  We don't live in yesterday or tomorrow or this afternoon, we live in the now, the present moment.
We need to spend time alone, in meditation to be able to reconnect with ourselves.  To hear what we need, to hear what we feel.  Meditation allows us to calm the incessant chattering of the mind.  The mind chatters along the whole time.  If we don't spend time alone, we don't see our thoughts for what they are - just passing across our mind.  Meditation allows us to be observers of these thoughts rather than "victims".  We can observe our thoughts and choose which ones we wish to believe, or act upon.
Quiet time alone, enables us to gain divinely inspired ideas, enables us to connect to our needs, to hear what we need.  
I would recommend spending some time alone every day.  Alone and actively working on quieting the mind/not engaging with the thoughts that are travelling across your mind.
I personally find repetitive physical exercise one of the best ways to quieten the thoughts in my head - walking the dog, swimming, running, yoga.
We are so overstimulated with computers, tv, music, radio, adverts, people, social media.  My brain can feel quite frazzled from these at times.  
You could actively choose to switch all these machines off for an amount of time, and see how that feels.
Doing sitting meditation enables you to become more aware of your body, your thoughts, your emotions.  Calming yoga is also great for this.  By focussing on your "postures" and your breathing, the mind is naturally quietened, thus enabling you to do a sitting meditation.
There are many benefits to meditation - it can help reduce your stress levels, it can improve your sleep, can help you feel happier and more contented, can help you feel more connected, it can increase your attention span, improve your immune system and more...
If you have never meditated, you could start by sitting comfortably, with your back upright and just notice 3 breaths - notice the rise and fall of your chest/the air flowing in and out through your nostrils - that is meditation.  If you start doing just this at regular intervals throughout the day, you will most likely, want to increase and do more.
I have some free and low-cost meditations available to download at :
http://www.massagedownloads.com/product/3-minute-breathing-space/
Let me know how you get on!

Don't be jealous of others - life is not a competition............

Life is not a competition.  It is a gradual unfolding and discovering of who you are - if you allow it to be.
Don't be jealous of others.  Don't envy them or their lifestyle or their seemingly perfect life.  
Life is not greener on the other side - it is a different shade of green.
You cant walk in someone elses shoes, only your own.
We are all incredible and important beings.  We all have our own strengths and weaknesses.  If you don't know that already, then what an adventure life could be if you choose to work on finding this out for yourself.
I am reading a book at the moment called "Spontaneous Evolution" by Bruce Lipton.  Part of it is a scientific viewpoint on the law of attraction.  He explains the quantum physics behind how material objects come about.  (His previous book "The Biology of Belief" is better for explaining this however, this is a sequel).
He talks about how humanity is on the brink of destroying itself.  We are poisoning our air, our water, manipulating our seeds, destroying the possibility of pollination etc etc
He describes the human body as a collection of cells.  Each cell is vitally important.  It has its own job to do.  Each cell in itself is like a mini human body - it needs food, water, it uses its energy to action what it needs to do, its excretes waste products.  However, each cell is important in its own right.  A liver cell can't try and be a heart cell, or a red blood cell.  There is not point in competing because it would destroy the body that it is creating.
How would it be if we viewed human beings like this?  We are all sharing one earth.  We are all made of energy, as is everything around us.  We are all vitally important.  We each have a job to do.  But we also need to communicate efficiently, take what we need, perform our activities, any surplus goes to the collective storage point for when it is needed for a certain function/area.
There is no room for competition.  We all need to become in our power.  A liver cell will always be a very poor heart cell, or red blood cell.  It is better to be a well-functioning, healthy liver cell than a poor and weak version of a heart cell.
 Find out who you are, recognise how amazing and important you are.  Allow others to do what they need to do.  Take what you need and no more, trusting that there will always be enough.
If you notice you are feeling envy of someone else, or others, use this as inspiration to create changes in your life.  What can you do today, to make your life more how you would like it to be?
Encourage others to empower themselves.  Don't berate them or criticise them to make you feel better.  It doesn't make you feel better, it belittles you and negates your power.
Support and encourage others, while also supporting and encouraging yourself.  
Humanity is only as strong as it's weakest link.

Do you experience anxiety? Some ideas for working with shifting anxiety.......

So I work up this morning feeling anxious.  Why?  No particular reason!  Nothing is different from yesterday, except today I have an anxious feeling in my stomach area and my mind is looking around for things for me to worry about.  I think the term is "free-floating anxiety."
Was there a conversation that I had yesterday that unsettled or upset me a bit but not enough that I was aware at the time?  Did I have a dream that led to me waking up feeling anxious?
Is it the change in season, the turning in of autumn.  Will I survive the long winter emotionally?
Now that I am feeling anxious, I notice that little things are troubling me today.  I am looking to misinterpret text messages and emails.  My confidence has dropped.  My motivation levels have dropped.  Wow!  What a difference a day makes.  
Yesterday, I was feeling energised, motivated, confident.  Like I knew what I was doing with my life!  Ha!  Not now!
Im sharing this, because I know I am not alone.  This is a common experience, especially amongst women.
So, what to do?  Shall I feed this anxiety, look around for things to worry about, watch the news and feel anxious about the state of the world?  Shall I have irritable conversations with people today?  Shall I lie on the sofa and watch trash tv so I don't have to deal with it?
There is a part of me that wants to do all of those things.
But fortunately today, there is a bigger part of me, that wants to change how I deal with my anxiety.  I am choosing to let go of my anxiety.
I recognise that all feelings/emotions are transient.  They will all pass.  One of my meditation practices is imagining that all my thoughts and feelings are passing across my mind on a conveyor belt.  Occasionally, I see one that I decide to believe.  Today, it was "I am anxious.  I am little.  I am unempowered.  I am vulnerable etc"
  So I have decided to put those ones back on the conveyor belt and pick up another thought/affirmation.  "I am safe."  And another - "I am confident" and another "I am empowered; I am motivated; I am alive and vibrating with energy; I am passionate; I am loved; I am supported by the universe."  Each time I pick another thought, I feel slightly stronger.  
Each time I add to my anxiety by feeding it with another anxious thought, I feel slightly weaker.
So affirmations work for me.  This does need a bit of time and attention.  But I can do it while I'm doing other jobs, walking to work, loading the dishwasher, preparing food etc
Other things that work for me - physical exercise, it quietens my mind.  Especially quiet repetitive exercise like swimming, walking, running.
I also find that doing a chakra clearing meditation (I have one recorded that will be for sale on my website very soon but I can email it to you beforehand if you would like - contact me for more details).
The last thing I would highly recommend, is to be loving with yourself.  Maybe run yourself a nice hot aromatherapy bath; or have an early night with a hot water bottle; or have a quiet night in, listening to some uplifting (not melancholic) music; or going to a yoga/meditation class; or to watch an uplifting (not depressing/thrilling/horror) film.
These techniques can be used for any other emotion that you might be working with - eg anger, sadness.
Hope this helps - would love to hear about any other techniques that you might use!